What Not to Say to Someone With Depression

Depression is much more than sadness—it's an all-consuming mental health condition that can affect every aspect of someone's life. It can feel soul-crushing and hopeless, and it may seem like there's no way out.

Because of this, depression can feel lonely for those who struggle with it, which is why social support from friends and family is so important. If you have a friend or loved one with depression, your support can make a big difference in their recovery—whether you're there to listen or to help them find professional support.

At Next Step Psychiatry, we often hear from patients about well-meaning comments that actually made them feel worse. Here's what to avoid—and what to say instead.

Signs Someone May Be Depressed

It isn't always easy to tell if someone is depressed. Sometimes people appear fine externally while fighting a silent battle internally. Watch for these changes in behavior:

• Appearing sad or crying more than usual
• Withdrawing from others
• Sleeping excessively
• Expressing feelings of worthlessness
• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Fatigue or low energy
• Irritability or angry outbursts
• New or increased substance use

What NOT to Say

"Just snap out of it" or "Cheer up"

These phrases feel dismissive and suggest depression is a choice. Depression is a medical condition—not something someone can will away. Instead, you might say: "I know this is really hard, but it won't last forever."

"Everyone gets sad sometimes"

Depression is more than normal sadness. Comparing it to everyday emotions minimizes what they're going through. Instead, acknowledge: "What you're experiencing sounds really difficult."

"Things could be worse"

Even with good intentions, this adds guilt rather than perspective. They likely already know it "could be worse"—that awareness doesn't alleviate their symptoms. Instead, help them focus on small positives without dismissing their pain.

"You should be more grateful"

Feeling hopeless is a symptom of depression, not a choice to be "ungrateful." Saying this contributes to intense feelings of guilt. Instead, simply listen without judgment.

"You need to try harder" or "Have you tried working out?"

For someone with depression, simple tasks like getting out of bed can feel impossible. Depression affects the brain's ability to complete tasks and feel motivated. Even your best pep talk won't suddenly give them that ability. Instead, offer to help with small tasks: "Can I help with anything today?"

Don't try to "fix" them

It's natural to want to help, but it's not your job to cure their depression. Instead of pushing solutions, share resources and let them explore at their own pace: "I found some information about treatment options. No pressure, but it's here if you want it."

Don't shame their treatment choices

If they've found treatment that helps—whether medication, therapy, or both—don't criticize it. Keep personal views about medication to yourself. Support what's working for them.

What TO Do Instead

1. Take Them Seriously

Depression is serious. When they tell you they're struggling, believe them. Show that you respect and care for them.

2. Listen Without Judgment

Give them your full attention. Don't interrupt, offer unsolicited advice, or compare their situation to yours. Just listen.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Even saying something simple like "That sounds really, really hard, and I'm here to listen" can make a significant difference. Affirm their right to feel exactly how they do.

4. Remind Them They're Not Alone

Say "I'm here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone." Let them know you'll stay by their side through the ups and downs.

5. Spend Quality Time Together

Even if they don't have the same energy, you can still be present. Opt for lower-effort hangouts—watch a movie at home, order takeout, or just sit together. Meet them where they are.

6. Be Patient

Depression recovery isn't linear. Show support through setbacks as well as progress. Remind them that setbacks don't mean they're not making progress.

7. Encourage Professional Help (Gently)

If they aren't already seeing a mental health professional, offer to help them search for options. You could say: "Would it help if I looked into some options with you?" Don't be pushy—let them move at their own pace.

8. Take Care of Yourself

You can't pour from an empty cup. Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Set boundaries to maintain your own well-being, and seek support for yourself if needed.

When to Encourage Professional Help

While your support matters, professional treatment is often essential for recovery. Encourage them to see a psychiatrist if:

• Symptoms have lasted more than two weeks
• They're having trouble functioning at work or in relationships
• They mention feeling hopeless or having thoughts of self-harm
• Their symptoms seem to be getting worse
• Self-help strategies aren't working

Remember: your role is to support, not to treat. Be there, be patient, and help connect them with the professional care they need.