Grief is one of the most profound human experiences—a natural response to losing someone or something important to us. While grief is not a mental illness, it deeply affects our mental health and, in some cases, can lead to conditions that benefit from professional support. Understanding grief can help you navigate this difficult journey with more compassion for yourself.
What Is Grief?
Grief is the emotional, psychological, and physical response to loss. While we often think of grief in the context of death, we can grieve many types of losses:
- • Death of a loved one (spouse, parent, child, friend, pet)
- • End of a relationship (divorce, breakup, friendship)
- • Loss of health (chronic illness, disability, diagnosis)
- • Loss of a job or career
- • Loss of a home or community
- • Loss of identity (retirement, empty nest, life transitions)
- • Loss of safety (after trauma, violence, or disaster)
- • Loss of a dream or hope (infertility, unmet goals)
The Many Faces of Grief
Grief manifests differently in everyone. There is no "right" way to grieve, and your experience may include:
Emotional Responses
- • Sadness, sorrow, crying
- • Anger, irritability
- • Guilt, regret
- • Anxiety, fear
- • Numbness, shock
- • Relief (especially after long illness)
Physical Responses
- • Fatigue, exhaustion
- • Sleep disturbances
- • Appetite changes
- • Physical aches and pains
- • Weakened immune system
- • Tightness in chest or throat
Cognitive Responses
- • Difficulty concentrating
- • Forgetfulness
- • Preoccupation with the loss
- • Confusion, disbelief
- • Searching for meaning
Behavioral Responses
- • Social withdrawal
- • Crying, sighing
- • Restlessness
- • Avoiding reminders—or seeking them
- • Carrying objects of the deceased
Understanding the Grief Process
You may have heard of the "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), originally described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. While this model has been helpful for many, it's important to know:
- Grief isn't linear—you don't move through stages in order
- You may experience stages multiple times, in any order
- Not everyone experiences all stages
- There's no timeline for grief
- "Acceptance" doesn't mean you're "over it"—it means integrating the loss
A more modern understanding sees grief as waves—intense at first, coming frequently, then gradually spacing out over time. The waves may never fully stop, but they become more manageable.
Normal Grief vs. Complicated Grief
Most people navigate grief naturally, even if painfully. However, sometimes grief becomes "complicated" or "prolonged"—a condition now recognized in the DSM-5-TR as Prolonged Grief Disorder.
Signs of Complicated Grief
- Persistent intense yearning: Unrelenting longing for the deceased
- Identity disruption: Feeling like part of yourself has died
- Avoidance: Extreme avoidance of reminders of the loss
- Numbness: Persistent emotional numbness since the loss
- Disbelief: Ongoing difficulty accepting the death
- Functional impairment: Significant difficulty in daily functioning lasting more than 12 months
Risk factors for complicated grief include sudden or traumatic loss, loss of a child, lack of social support, history of depression or anxiety, and dependent relationship with the deceased.
Grief and Other Mental Health Conditions
Grief can trigger or worsen other mental health conditions:
- Depression: Grief and depression overlap but are distinct. If depressive symptoms persist beyond grief, treatment may help.
- Anxiety: Fear of more losses, health anxiety, and generalized worry are common.
- PTSD: Traumatic loss can lead to post-traumatic symptoms.
- Substance use: Some turn to alcohol or drugs to numb grief.
Coping with Grief
While there's no way to avoid the pain of grief, there are ways to move through it more gently:
Healthy Coping Strategies
- Allow yourself to grieve: Don't rush, suppress, or judge your feelings
- Talk about your loss: Share memories and feelings with trusted people
- Maintain routines: Structure provides stability during chaos
- Take care of your body: Sleep, nutrition, and gentle movement matter
- Limit major decisions: Grief impairs judgment; delay big changes if possible
- Create rituals: Honor your loved one through meaningful rituals
- Be patient with yourself: Grief has no timeline
Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
If someone you care about is grieving:
- Be present: Sometimes just being there is enough
- Listen more than talk: Resist the urge to fix or minimize
- Say their name: Mention the deceased; it's comforting, not painful
- Offer specific help: "I'm bringing dinner Tuesday" beats "Let me know if you need anything"
- Check in over time: Grief continues long after the funeral
- Avoid clichés: "They're in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" often hurts more than helps
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
- • Grief feels unbearable or you can't function
- • You have thoughts of suicide or self-harm
- • You're using substances to cope
- • Symptoms aren't improving after several months
- • You're experiencing complicated grief symptoms
- • Grief has triggered depression, anxiety, or PTSD
- • You feel isolated or lack support
Treatment options include grief counseling, support groups, psychotherapy (particularly complicated grief treatment), and sometimes medication for co-occurring depression or anxiety.
Moving Forward
"Moving on" from grief isn't the goal—integrating the loss into your life is. Over time, many people find they can:
- Hold their grief alongside joy and new experiences
- Maintain a bond with the deceased while building new connections
- Find meaning or growth, even from terrible loss
- Honor their loved one through how they live
Your grief is a reflection of your love. It deserves to be honored, not rushed.
Need Support Through Grief?
Our compassionate team provides grief counseling and support for those navigating loss. You don't have to face this alone.